04 Nov How to choose the right massage style for your needs

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How to choose the right massage style (and why the menu is the last place you should look)

The secret to getting the massage you truly need isn’t about picking a style like ‘Swedish’ or ‘Deep Tissue’ from a confusing menu. It’s about learning to ignore the labels and instead communicate your desired physical and mental outcome to a skilled therapist, allowing them to co-create a session tailored specifically to your body’s needs on that given day.

My Journey to a Different Philosophy of Massage

My path to becoming a massage therapist didn’t start in a classroom; it started with my hands. For years, I was the designated shoulder-rubber in my family. Friends and family have said in the past that my massages were great, despite not having any formal training. My Auntie went as far as to once say that I had healing hands, a comment that planted a seed I wouldn’t understand for years.

When I finally pursued my passion professionally, I was struck by one thing: the menu. Swedish, Deep Tissue, Sports, Hot Stone, Thai… the list felt like a restaurant menu where I was supposed to know the ingredients of every dish. Clients would come in and “order” a massage. “I’ll have a deep tissue, please,” they’d say, as if they were ordering a steak. But what did “deep tissue” actually mean to them? More often than not, it just meant “I have a sore back and I want it to hurt so I know it’s working.”

This approach felt broken. It puts all the pressure on you, the client, to self-diagnose and pick the perfect solution from a list of terms you barely understand. I realized that the secret to truly effective bodywork and wellness isn’t in a name. It’s in a conversation. It’s about shifting the focus from the *style* to the *story* your body is telling.

The ‘Menu Myth’: Why Ordering a Massage Style Fails

Think about it this way: ordering a ‘Deep Tissue’ massage is like walking into a restaurant and just saying, “I want spicy food.” The chef has no idea if you mean a Thai green curry (aromatic and sharp), a Mexican mole (rich and smoky), or a Szechuan hot pot (numbing and fiery). The word “spicy” is a vague descriptor, not a precise order. What you get might be incredible, or it might be a complete mismatch for your palate.

It’s the same with massage. The term ‘Deep Tissue’ is one of the most misunderstood in the entire wellness industry. For some therapists, it means using sharp elbows and maximum force. For others, it means a slow, methodical sinking into the muscle layers to release chronic tension. For the client, it often just means “strong.” This leads to a massive disconnect.

The truth is, most experienced therapists don’t stick rigidly to one style anyway. In fact, it’s widely understood in our field that therapists often mix techniques. Many skilled professionals will blend the long, flowing strokes of Swedish massage with the targeted precision of trigger point therapy and the stretching of sports massage, all within a single session. As research from Cleveland Clinic notes, you don’t have to zero in on the perfect passage before booking an appointment. In fact, massage therapists often mix techniques. This fluid, adaptable approach is where the real magic happens, but it can’t happen if you’ve pre-ordered a rigid, by-the-book “style.”

A Better Way: Speak in Outcomes, Not Styles

So, if you ignore the menu, what do you say? You shift your language from *what you want the therapist to do* to *how you want to feel afterward*. Instead of asking for a style, communicate your goal. I’ve found that nearly every client’s needs fall into one of three core outcomes. Frame your needs around these, and you’ll get a far more effective and personalized therapy session.

Goal #1: “I need to relax my nervous system.”

This is your goal if you’re feeling stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, or are having trouble sleeping. Your primary need isn’t to obliterate a muscle knot; it’s to switch your body from its “fight-or-flight” sympathetic state to its “rest-and-digest” parasympathetic state. This is crucial for stress relief and selecting a massage for better sleep.

What to say: “I’ve been feeling really stressed and anxious lately.” “My mind is racing and I can’t seem to switch off.” “I want to leave feeling calm and grounded.”
What the therapist hears: The goal is relaxation and down-regulation of the nervous system. The techniques will likely involve broad, rhythmic, and flowing strokes; predictable patterns; and consistent, soothing pressure. This is where aromatherapy massage for anxiety can be a wonderful addition. The techniques used are often found in Swedish massage, but the focus is on the systemic effect, not the name.

Goal #2: “I need you to release this specific knot.”

This is for when you have a targeted area of pain or tension. That nagging spot between your shoulder blades, the tension headache that starts at the base of your skull, or the tight hips from sitting all day. Your goal is specific pain relief for a particular muscle group.

What to say: “I have a sharp pain right here in my shoulder.” “When I turn my head this way, I feel a pull.” “My lower back gets incredibly tight by the end of the day.” “I’m looking for a massage for headache and migraine relief.”
What the therapist hears: The goal is targeted therapeutic work on a myofascial trigger point. Muscle knots, or myofascial trigger points, are specific areas of tension within the muscle fiber. Because these knots can be sore, deep tissue massage aims to relieve them and provide pain relief. The therapist will use techniques like trigger point therapy, myofascial release, and sustained compression to encourage that specific muscle to let go.

Goal #3: “I need to restore my range of motion.”

This is the goal for athletes, people recovering from minor injuries, or anyone who feels “locked up” and stiff. You don’t necessarily have a single point of pain, but an overall feeling of restricted movement. You want to improve flexibility and feel more mobile in your body.

What to say: “I feel stiff when I wake up in the morning.” “My legs feel heavy and tight after my runs.” “I want to improve my flexibility for yoga.” “What massage helps loosen tight hips?”
What the therapist hears: The goal is to address adhesions in the muscles and fascia to improve mobility. The session might incorporate active or passive stretching, techniques from sports massage to increase circulation, or myofascial work to unstick layers of connective tissue. This is the best type of massage for athletes seeking muscle recovery and injury prevention.

Pressure vs. Depth: More Isn’t Always Better

One of the biggest myths that the “menu” approach perpetuates is the idea that deep tissue massage is the only ‘effective’ massage, and that it has to hurt to work. This simply isn’t true. There is a critical difference between deep pressure and deep work.

Deep pressure is about force. It can feel like the therapist is trying to push through the muscle. For some, this can cause the body to tense up and resist, which is counterproductive.

Deep work is about precision. It’s about a therapist understanding anatomy, locating the source of tension in the deeper layers of muscle tissue, and using slow, specific techniques to release it. This can be achieved with surprisingly light or firm pressure, not just aggressive force. The goal is to release the tissue, not to punish it. As Swedish massage is the foundation for so much of Western massage, it is the core of most massage training programs, and its principles of working with the body are key. In fact, as Swedish massage is the basis for many deep tissue techniques, the two therapies share many similarities.

So, is deep tissue massage supposed to hurt? No. Therapeutic massage can be uncomfortable when working on a sensitive trigger point, but it should be a “good hurt”—a relieving sensation, not a sharp, painful one. Always communicate with your therapist about the pressure. “A little more pressure there is good” or “Could you ease up a bit?” are essential phrases.

Comparing the Two Approaches to Choosing Your Massage

Let’s break down the pros and cons of these two mindsets: choosing from a menu versus co-creating a session based on your goals.

Approach 1: Choosing a Massage by Its ‘Style Name’

Pros:

It feels straightforward and familiar, like ordering from a menu.
Using common terms like “Swedish” or “Sports” can give you a general idea of what to expect.

Cons:

The interpretation of a style varies wildly between therapists, so you may not get what you’re expecting.
It limits your therapist’s ability to be creative and use the full range of their skills to address your specific needs.
You might choose a style that isn’t actually the best fit for your underlying issue (e.g., choosing deep tissue for a nerve issue that needs a gentler approach).
It places the burden of diagnosis on you, the client, who isn’t the trained professional.

Approach 2: Choosing a Massage by Communicating a ‘Desired Outcome’

Pros:

It fosters a collaborative partnership between you and your therapist.
The session is completely tailored to your body’s needs on that specific day.
It leads to more effective results because the therapist can use the right techniques for the actual problem.
It empowers you to learn more about your own body and how to communicate its needs.

Cons:

It requires you to be a little more introspective about how you feel and what you want to achieve.
It heavily relies on the therapist being a good listener and a skilled communicator, which is why finding a licensed massage professional you trust is key.

The 5-Minute Consultation is Everything

The success of an outcome-based massage hinges entirely on the first five minutes of your appointment. This is the massage consultation, and it’s your opportunity to co-create the perfect session. A good therapist will guide this, but you can come prepared to make it even better.

This is also how you can spot a potential red flag in massage. If a therapist rushes you, doesn’t ask questions about your health history or goals, or dismisses your input, that is a major red flag. They are not treating you as an individual. A great therapist, however, will see this consultation as essential. Before booking a massage, let the therapist know what you’re looking for and ask which style the therapist uses. Many use more than one style. The therapist may customize your massage, depending on your age, condition, or any special needs or goals you have.

What to Tell Your Massage Therapist:

Your ‘Why’: Why did you book the massage today? (e.g., “I ran a marathon,” “I have a big presentation tomorrow,” “My back seized up.”)
Problem Areas: Point to specific spots that hurt, feel tight, or are bothering you.
Your Health: Mention any injuries (new or old), medical conditions, or allergies.
Pressure Preference: It’s okay to say “I generally like firm pressure, but I’ll let you know if it’s too much.”

Questions to Ask Your Massage Therapist:

“Based on what I’ve told you, what approach do you think would be best for me today?”
“What techniques do you plan on using?”
“Is there anything I should do after the massage to prolong the benefits?”

Making the Right Choice for Your Needs

So, how do you put this all into practice? Let’s look at how this outcome-focused approach applies to different people with different needs.

For the Performance-Focused Athlete

Your primary needs are injury prevention, faster muscle recovery, and maintaining optimal range of motion. Instead of just asking for a “sports massage,” explain your training cycle. Are you in a heavy-lifting phase? Are you recovering from a long run? Tell your therapist: “My goal is to increase circulation in my legs and release my tight hips to improve my running stride.” This allows the therapist to use a combination of flushing strokes, cross-fiber friction on adhesions, and targeted stretching to help you meet that specific performance goal.

For the Stressed Desk Worker

You’re dealing with the classic “tech neck,” shoulder tension, and mental fatigue from hours at a computer. Your dual needs are relief from postural strain and deep relaxation. You can say: “My main goal is to release the tension in my neck and shoulders, but I also really need to de-stress.” A skilled therapist won’t just hammer away at your trapezius muscles. They might spend time on your neck, shoulders, and back, but also incorporate scalp massage and calming techniques to soothe your nervous system, addressing both the physical and mental components of your tension.

For the Chronic Pain Sufferer

You may be living with conditions like fibromyalgia, sciatica, or persistent lower back pain. Your needs are complex and require a therapist who listens and adapts. Ordering a “deep tissue” massage could be far too intense and cause a flare-up. Instead, have an open conversation. Say: “I have fibromyalgia, and my goal is gentle relief for my trouble spots without over-stimulating my system. The pressure needs to be mindful.” This signals to the therapist that they need to use techniques like gentle myofascial release or trigger point therapy within your comfort level, constantly checking in to ensure the work is productive, not painful.

Ultimately, the best massage therapist is a partner in your health and wellness journey. They are a professional with a deep understanding of the human body, and their greatest tool isn’t one specific style, but their ability to listen to you and your body’s needs. Stop trying to be the expert and order from the menu. Put your trust in a collaborative process, and you will unlock a level of relief and well-being you may not have thought possible.

At Infinity Massage Therapy, this client-focused, outcome-driven philosophy is the core of everything we do. We believe the perfect massage isn’t on a menu; it’s created in a conversation between you and a therapist who is dedicated to understanding your unique needs. If you’re ready to experience a truly personalized therapeutic session in Brighton, UK, contact our expert team to discuss your goals and book your consultation today.

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